Conference One: The Goal or Objective of a Monk

• This is an instructional conversation that John and his friend Germanus had with Abba Moses, which they had a good deal of trouble getting him to agree to.
• Each craft has a certain goal for which everything is done. The farmer clears his fields of brush and tills the field in pursuit of an abundant harvest. The trader sails the seas and risks shipwreck in the pursuit of profit. The monk fasts, reads Scripture, does vigils, and endures nakedness in pursuit of the Kingdom of God.
• But you also need an aim/direction to measure whether you are going in the right direction: how can the archer pursue his goal of being rewarded for his skill by the king if he has no target to aim at. The direction of the monk is purity of heart, or love for God, which Jesus establishes as the prime good when he commends Mary for sitting at his feet. The ascetic disciplines are to create this love for God, but it is not the disciplines that are the end. So anything which distracts from love of God is a diversion, like Martha.
• In fact, good works will pass away, because we will not need to do them. We need to give to the poor now because of inequality, but in the next life there will be no poor because there will be no one keeping that which is in common for themselves.
• Contemplation of God is not limited to just the moments of awe at his transcendence. We can also contemplate God in the many ways he acts in the world: his knowing of our secrets, his numbering the sand and our hairs, his power in running the world, his mercy in loving us who are unlovable, his incarnation, his gift of eternal life merely for our goodwill, etc.
• We cannot be free of thoughts, but we can choose which to encourage. We have thoughts from ourselves, God, and the enemy, and must discern between them. The mind is like a water mill: under the pressure from the water, the wheels must turn, but it is the miller who determines which grain gets thrown into the stones and ground into flour.
• We need to watch out for four kinds of deceptive thoughts:
• Ensure it is piety from heaven, not worldly piety like Jewish superstition or pagan philosophy.
• Ensure it is not a false interpretation of Scripture.
• Ensure it is something that only seems virtuous but does not have the stamp of the Fathers, and leads into sin (e.g. excessive fasting, excessive vigils, etc.).
• Ensure it is good for all, has the fear of God, genuine in feelings, in consonance with the apostles, rather than for human show.
• It is now late, so since a teacher of discernment must practice it himself, we should sleep rather than being tempted to stay up too late. You can use these papyrus mats to sleep on.

Conference Two: On Discernment

• In the morning Abba Moses continued, saying that discernment is the most important virtue, and in light of the zeal of you two, one we need to talk about.
• Discernment is a spiritual gift, given by God.
• Discernment can be only be acquired through humility: by obeying (submitting to) the teaching of your elders.
• Insisting on your own evaluation is the opposite of discernment, and results in disaster.
• You all know the hermit-monk Hero, who refused even to go to church with the other hermit-monks because he would have to eat with them, and thus would eat more than the strict amount he gave himself. He started seeing an angel of light, which told him that his disciplines had made him immune to harm. So he threw himself into a deep well at night to prove it, and was dragged half dead by his brothers with no little effort, and died two days later.
• A similar case was two hermit-monks traveling through the desert who resolved to eat nothing but what God provided. Some days in to their journey they encountered a fierce tribe known for killing just to rob. The tribe pushed bread on them. One monk gladly accepted it, seeing God’s provision in this normally fierce tribe; the other monk thought that it was not God’s provision since it was from the hand of men. He died of starvation.
• Not all elders are equally wise. Some, as you have related, tell you off for your weakness and thus encourage hiding your thoughts. But it is only by bringing your temptations into the open that they are cured.A young hermit-monk came to an older, well-respected hermit-monk, asking for help with lust. The older monk berated him and said he did not even deserve to be a monk. He was dejected and resolved to return to the world and marry. But an (the?) elder abbot found him, gently got him to tell what it was that was visibly distressing him. The abbot said that he faced that same temptation every day and encouraged him to remain. (Then he went to the other monk’s cell, prayed that he would experience the young man’s temptation. An ugly Ethiopian appeared and threw javelins at the monk at hit him, causing to the monk to quickly run off. The abbot found him and said “the devil is trying to prevent that young man from continuing in his progress, but until now he has ignored you because he had nothing to fear from you. One fiery dart and you run off, completely unable to handle one temptation.” Then he prayed for the temptation to cease, which it did, and he told the man to have compassion and not break bruised reeds.)
• God wants us to learn from teachers; he did not even teach Paul himself, but told him to be instructed by Ananias. Paul was specifically chosen for the task by God, so if God did not even teach him directly, how much more must we submit to the teaching of elders.
• To much deprivation is just as bad as too much indulgence. Fasting too much is just as bad as gluttony; we must steer between the two excesses. (Possibly worse, because the one who eats too much can possibly be persuaded to be less indulgent.) One monk in Mesopotamia was outdid all the other monks in the area. He started seeing an angel of light, which at first told him true things to gain his confidence. Then it showed him the apostles and prophets in a miserable condition and the Jewish people gloriously shining, and he converted to Judaism. Another monk in this desert would fast two days and then eat six rolls in one day so that he could properly enjoy them; he backslid into pagan philosophy.
• Also, too much fasting and lust is a greater problem.
• I recommend two rolls of dry bread (1 lb, which is about 1000 calories) per day. More than that and you are too satisfied, less than that and you are distracted from prayers and God. Don’t take cooked food now and then, as this makes it harder to be contented the rest of the days.
• Monks must practice hospitality, so save the second loaf in case a brother comes to visit. Then you can eat something with him and enjoy his company, without worrying about eating more than you committed to.

Conference Three: The Three Renunciations

• Paphnutius had so wanted solitude for contemplating God that he hid out in the desert so well that even the anchorites had trouble finding him.was priest for our group in the desert. Even at ninety he still walked five miles to the church, and insisted on carrying his week’s worth of water back himself.
• There are three kinds of vocation:
• Called by God, that is, responding to an urging of the HS: St. Anthony was in church and heard a sermon that you cannot be Jesus’ discipline unless you hate your father, mother, etc. and to be perfect, sell everything and give it to the poor; he did that and went out into the desert.
• By choice, as a response to holy men: This is how I was called. I was inspired by Anthony’s examples and his words.
• Compelled by necessity:
• A monk named Moses in the Calamite desert was accused of murder and fled because he thought he would be put to death. He recognized the necessity of changing his life.
• The first two callings seem to have better beginnings (rather than the third, which is out of necessity rather than desire), but it is ultimately the end that is important. Sometimes people in the third calling have better ends, for example, the monk Moses, and St. Paul, both of whom embraced their calling. [Paphnutius includes Paul in the third category rather than the first, because “[s]uddenly blinded, it was as if he had been dragged unwillingly along the route to salvation”.] A good start can come to a poorer end because of carelessness.
• The fathers and the Scriptures talk about three renunciations:
• The body: “[w]e come to despise all riches and all goods of the world.”
• “[W]e repel our past, our vices, the passions governing spirit and flesh.”
• “[W]e draw our spirit away from the here and the visible and we do so in order solely to contemplate the things of the future.”
• (Gen 12:1 “Come away from your native land and from your family and from the house of your father.” Your “native land” is “the riches of the world and the goods of the earth”. “Your family” is “one’s past way of life, character, and faults, which cling to us from birth” sort of a close relationship. “The house of your father” is “all worldly memory arising before our eyes”.) [He also cites other Scriptures, as well as the three books of Solomon: Proverbs counsels despising the things of the world, Ecclesiastes says everything is vanity, Song of Songs contemplates heaven and union with God.]
• The first renunciation is not much good without the second, but achieving those two prepares us for the third. Paul talks about the uselessness of good works if we do not have love [the second renunciation, of the heart]; we cannot just have the appearance of renunciation, we must actually do it. It is our deeds that make our soul either shine or look ugly.
• There are three kinds of riches:
• Evil: the ones where the rich go hungry and thirsty (Ps 33:11) and/or the rich have already experience their reward (Luke 6:24). Clearly it is wise to throw away these riches.
• Good: the ones that mark virtue, like justice (Ps 111:2-3), or the ones from Rev 3:16-18.
• Neutral: the ones that can be either good or bad, depending on how you use them. That is, worldly wealth, see 1 Tim 6:17-19.
• The first renunciation is giving up visible riches (which are not ours, anyway), and the second renunciation is driving out sin. The third is giving up all the invisible riches, which is required to get to the fourth stage, the reward for perfect renunciation (“come into the land I will show you”).
• It is not possible to get their on our own, but “inspired by the Lord’s call, we hasten on to the road of salvation and, with Him to guide and enlighten us, we are led along and come to the perfection of utter bliss.”
• So how is our will involved? Well, God gives us the opportunity, but our will is in responding eagerly or “laggardly”. Indeed, without the Lord to support us, “the weakness of [our] free will may cause [us] to lose balance, and if [we] fall [we] may perish forever.” Thus holy men always sought their direction from the Lord, for example, David seeking to know God’s Law.
• (“It must be admitted that everything happens either by [God’s] will or with His permission. The good is achieved with God’s will and help; the opposite happens with His permission when as a punishment for our misdeeds and for the hardness of our hearts He abandons us to the devil’s mastery or to the ignoble passions of our bodies.” See Rom 1:26 and 1:28, and Ps 80:12-13.)
• We had thought that the achieving the first renunciation was the height of monastic life, although we had heard a little about the second in some communities. But we had no idea about that the third even existed.

Conference Nine: On Prayer

• Hermit-monk Isaac summarized by saying “[t]he whole purpose of the monk and indeed the perfection of his heart amount to this—total and uninterrupted dedication to prayer.” Physical work and heart work are to achieve this. They are required for calm prayer and also cannot last without this calm prayer.
• Pure and fervent prayer demands that all worldly interests be uprooted. I am embarrassed to say that I sometimes laugh at the memory of some clownish word or deed earlier in the day, which completely distracts me from prayer. Even more so must we get rid of lust, avarice, even memory of worldly affairs.
• The soul is like a down feather, which floats easily when dry, but putting water on it drags it to earth. “Therefore if we wish our prayers to reach upward to the heavens and beyond we must ensure our mind is cleared of every earthly defect and cleaned of all passion’s grip and is so light of itself that its prayer, free of sin’s weighty load, will rise upward to God.”
• Luke 21:34 says that we should rid ourselves of drunkenness, intoxication, and earthly worries which weigh our hearts down. These are easy to avoid, but there are more serious versions (implied by, for example, Is 29:9, being drunk but not on physical wine): being intoxicated by passions.
• We have found that the intoxication of passions is due to demons. One hermit-monk obsessively expanding his living quarters, and another hermit-monk saw him, and beside him an ugly Ethiopian driving him to the work, and urging him on when he grew restful. The monk doing the work saw nothing, although he did use “we” when explaining himself.
• Rejecting things of the world that we cannot control is easy; it is the things within our control that distract us.
• It is when the soul is free of carnal urges and is moving towards the Good God that we are rooted in peacefulness and can pray continually.
• Aside from “purity of intent and soul” and illumination of the Holy Spirit, there are not really different kinds of prayer, but rather different contexts in which prayer occurs: joy when life is going well, gloom of heart, seeking a virtue or a gift, removal of a vice, fear of damnation, anticipation of heaven, all result in different prayers that look different.
• However, Paul distinguishes four kinds of prayer, in 1 Tim 2:1:
• Supplication: asking for pardon as a result of contrition.
• Prayers: promising/vowing something to God, notably changes in behavior. It is written that we should keep our vows.
• Pleas: when we are moved in spirit and pray for others, or for peace in the world.
• Thanksgivings: when we thank God for past kindnesses or future kindnesses revealed that he will do (e.g. salvation). These are some of the richest prayers, as we see what he has promised and are moved to boundless joy and pray out of that.
• Contrition produces supplication; prayer results from fulfilled vows, pleading comes from love, and thanksgiving from contemplating God’s goodness. The first is appropriate for beginners, since they are still familiar with the stings of sin. The second is for those making progress with virtue. The third is for those living as they have promised. “The fourth suits those who have pulled the thorn of penitence out of their hearts and who in quiet spirit contemplate the kindness and mercy that the Lord has shown them in the past, that He gives them now and that he makes ready for them in the future. Aflame with this their hearts are rapt in the burning prayer which human words can neither grasp nor utter.”
• Even in the first stage prayer can be burning and impassioned, as we are aware of our sin and have fear of punishment. It is necessary to progress from one step to the next, and this can only happen through desire for virtue or killing a vice.
• The Lord’s prayer:
• “A state of soul more exalted [that these four] and more elevated will follow upon these types of prayer. It will be shaped by the contemplation of God alone and by the fire of love, and the mind, melted and cast down into this love, speaks freely and respectfully to God, as though to one’s own father.” This is “Our Father”.
• “who are in heaven”: our existence here is an exile and delay keeping us from rushing there.
• Since we desire to be sons, we burn with desire to cry out “hallowed be your name” for our father’s glory. (Paul is here when he says is willing to be condemned that his people be saved, also Micah says something similar in Micah 2:11.)
• Purity of soul desires the coming of the Kingdom, hence “thy kingdom come”. There is also the promise of “come share in the blessing of the kingdom” but also the fear of judgment.
• “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”: a natural prayer, and is a desire that men become like angels, doing the will of God. It is only possible to pray this if you believe that God arranges everything, good and bad, for our benefit. Also it can be interpreted as praying for salvation for everyone, since God desires that all be saved (1 Tim 2:4).
• “Give us this day our daily, supersubstantial bread”. Mark (6:11) says “supersubstantial”, meaning that it has supernatural virtue, and Luke (11:3) says daily, meaning that we must eat it every day for yesterdays bread will not support today’s virtue.
• “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive those in debt to us.” This is great mercy when we forgive those in debt to us. But if we do not forgive, then we are asking to be treated accordingly, that is, for God to not forgive us! Some are afraid and skip saying this, but that isn’t fooling God, who has out of fairness told us in advance what the measuring stick will be.
• “Lead us not into temptation”: this is a bit of a challenge, because without testing, we cannot be approved. This is solved by defining temptation as when we agree with the suggestion and do it, that is yielding to the tempter.
• “Deliver us from evil”, asking that there be a way out from every temptation (1 Cor 10:13)
• Note what there is not: requests for riches, bravery, honor, health, and other cheap, perishable things.
• There are many opportunities to be inflamed in prayer: a verse while singing the psalms, hearing the voice of a brother, someone else singing the psalms, the wisdom of an elder, have all brought me to intense prayer.
• However, there is no point trying to weep when the soul is dry. Useful weeping comes from contrition, or from contemplating what God will give us in eternity, or from fear of hell, or for the sins of others (Samuel weeping over Saul)
• How can we have assurance that our prayer is heard? There are many reasons that prayer is heard: two or more agree; you have at least as much faith as mustard seed’s worth; persistence (Luke 11:8); your alms will pray for you on your day of need [appears to be a non-biblical quote]; changed living (Isa 58:6-9), too heavy sorrows (Ps 119:1, Ex 22:21,27). But if we don’t believe we will be heard, we will not be heard at all (from James). It took Daniel 21 days to get his answer, so be persistent, otherwise the angel won’t be able to get through if you give up too early.
• We do not always know what to pray for, so we should end with “not as I wish, but as you wish”.
• The gospel tells is to go in our room and shut the door when we pray in secret. We “go in our room” when we shut out the noise our thoughts and worries. We pray with “the door shut” when we pray silently, and we pray “in secret” when we pray within our hearts, so that the demons do no know. Praying in silence not only fulfills the command of “Mi 7:5" but does not disturb our brothers and prevents the demons from hearing us.
• Our prayers should be short so that the enemy will not tempt us with distraction.

Conference Ten: On Prayer

• While we were in the Egyptian desert, a circular came from the bishop of Alexandria condemning the Anthropomorphite heresy that since we were “made in the image of God” that God looks like a man. This caused a lot of consternation, because many of the hermit-monks believed this. One of them was an old monk named Serapion, an uneducated man and well-respected for his disciplines. Paphnutius received a visiting well-educated deacon Phontius, who persuaded Serapion that all the churches were united in this and that clearly an infinite God could not have a limited form. Serapion was persuaded, to all our great joy, that one such as he should not perish out of doctrinal ignorance. But when he went to pray, have started wailing, “they have taken my God, and now I don’t know who to adore”.
• We were greatly disturbed and asked Isaac why this had happened, and how he could have been in such grave danger to his soul. He said that it was a leftover pagan idea not a demonic trick to get him to lose his salvation; this simple man just had not been properly educated. But, also, it is only the purest hearts that see Jesus in his divinity; less pure hearts see him in his humanity. When he was on earth, the people in the towns and cities (and the monastic villages), but it was Peter, James, and John, who had climbed the mountain of virtue that saw his divinity. “Being Himself the inviolable source of holiness, He did not have to rely on withdrawal from the world in order to acquire it nor did he need the benefit of the solitary way of life.” But he withdrew to the mountain to give us an example that “if we should have the wish to pray to God with a pure, clean heart, then we, likewise, must withdraw from all the worry and turbulence of the crowd.” When reproduce the image of eternal life, then we will have the perfect love of God, and will be joined with him in love as Jesus prayed in John 17:22-23. “This [unity], then, is the goal of the monk. All his striving must be for this so that he may deserve to possess in this life an image of future happiness and may have the beginnings of a foretaste in this body of that life and glory of heaven.”
• We asked him, we have meditated on what you said before, and we see that every child progresses through the stage of learning the alphabet, reproducing the symbols, pronouncing things, and only after that learning rhetoric. So we would like you to give us a formula for how we can consistently hold onto thinking about God and not have that keep slipping away from us.
• Your ability to formulate such a precise question shows that you are close to attaining it, because it is difficult to find a solution to a problem until you are able to formulate it, and this shows that you have thought a lot about this. In fact, you are probably at the point which God would have shown it to you without my help.
• “Every monk who wants to think continuously about God should get accustomed to meditating endlessly on it and to banishing all other thoughts for its sake. But he will not hold on to it unless he breaks completely free from all bodily concerns and cares.”
• So here is what was given to us by the earliest Fathers, and which we pass on only to the few people are eagerly want it: “To keep the thought of God always in your mind you must cling totally to this formula for piety: ‘Come to my help, O God; Lord, hurry to my rescue.’ (Ps 69:2)”
• When you are attacked by demons, pray this. When you are doing well, pray this, because you do not want to become proud. When you long for tasty food, pray this, because you are seeking food of which the desert has no knowledge. When it is time to eat but I cannot stand my [dry] bread, pray this. When I am too sleepy, pray this. When I am not sleepy at all but it is time to sleep, pray this. When lust has gone dead, pray this, so that you may keep that virtue. When I rage, or are gloomy, pray this. When I have achieved humility, pray this. Etc.
• What poverty is more destitute than relying on another (that is, God) for everything, as this prayer leads us to do? In fact, we are like the hedgehogs in the mountain rocks (Ps 103:18, Prov 30:26) A Christian and a monk cannot avenge wrongs, and even cannot even allow the slightest emotion to stir, what is weaker than that?
• This prayer also requires no image to focus on, which after all is idolatry.
• How can we use this to keep away the follies of earthly thoughts and focus on spiritual things?
• The mind is always wandering from Psalm to Gospel, from verse to verse, not focusing on the verse of the psalm that we are singing. What I have said earlier should be sufficient, but basically there are three things that keep the mind in place and not wandering: vigils, meditation and prayer. “Constant attention to them ... will give stability to the soul.” However, it cannot be for ambition but rather as a requirement of the monastic life.
• If you think prayer happens when you bend your knees, you will not pray much. At prayer, the mind will keep thinking about whatever it was thinking about, so we need to prepare our mind beforehand. If we want to pray heavenwards, we need to be thinking about heavenly things before prayer.
• We had thought that he had given us an easy formula, but it was actually harder to do than just randomly finding meditation targets from Scripture. However, it is something that anyone can do, regardless of how educated they are.

Conference Eleven: On Perfection

• When Germanus and I left the Syrian monastery to seek out instruction from the Egyptian fathers, we happened to arrive in Thennesus at the same time as Archebius. He had been a solitary before he was unwillingly made bishop, and kept the discipline, although he lamented that in 37 years of being a solitary he did not achieve the virtue he should have. He was in town for the election of a bishop, and afterwards we returned with him to his town and he introduced us to his former fellow-solitaries, beginning with Chaeremon, who was both older and closer in location than the other two. He was over 100 years old, and the disciplines had bent him over so that he looked almost like he was crawling when he walked. But his austerity had lost none of its rigor. He complained that he was unworthy to teach us, since age had forced him to relax his austerity, but we persuaded him that his mere example was already instructive.
• He said that there are three things that keep people from sin: fear of hell or earthly laws (Prov 8:13), hope and desire of heaven (Ps 33:23), and love of good and virtue (1 Cor 13:8,13, 1 Pet 4:8).
• This is a progression: they go towards the same end but are not of the same quality.
• Fear of punishment is the attitude of a servant (Luke 12:47), and is the beginning of the path of virtue. However, if that is all there is, if the fear goes away, the desire not to sin goes away too.
• Hope of reward is the attitude of the hired hand (Luke 15:17-19)
• Love of virtue is the attitude of a son, who shares in everything (John 16:15, 1 Cor 3:22). Loving the good and virtuous itself is the highest level, because no one having arrived here will wish to leave the good and virtuous, because there is nothing more precious to the person. There is no fear in love. In this stage the person is a sort of image of God.
• In this stage the sins of others do not anger us; rather we remember how we used to be and we pray for them. It was not by our own effort we learned to love good and virtue, rather it was God who set us free (Ps 115:16-17, Ps 93:17)
• When we have this lowliness of mind we will be able to love our enemies.
• You know you are still bound to sin if you cannot have “sympathizing pity” for those who still sin.
• What you said is very powerful, but how can you say fear and hope are imperfect when Ps 33:10 says that nothing is lacking those who fear God, Ps 118:112 says that the author obeys out of hope of everlasting reward, and both the blessed Moses and David looked forward to a reward?
• The stars are of different brightnesses, and “there is a great distance between those who will obtain mercy and who will deserve to enjoy the most glorious vision of God. I am not saying there is no value in fear of punishment and in hope of reward. In fact, Scripture praises both, but fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Jesus himself summons the Disciples to be friends instead of servants. “Perfect love casts out fear” and “He who is fearful is not perfected in love, because fear anticipates punishment” (1 John 4:18); thus love of God is a higher perfection than the fearful servant or hopeful hired hand.

Conference Fourteen: On Spiritual Knowledge

• We had memorized some scriptures and wanted to know what they meant, so we asked abba Nestros. He started off by saying that there are two parts to contemplation: the practical (that is, getting rid of sin) and the contemplative. The practical can be achieved without the contemplative, but one cannot reach the contemplative stage without the practical, because the spirit of God does not live in someone subdued by sin (Wisdom 1:4-5).
• Perfection (the practical side) has two stages: getting rid of sin and “discern[ing] the order of the virtues and to have our spirit shaped by their perfection”.
• We have to work twice as hard to get rid of sin as to achieve virtue (Jer 1:10 has a list of which four things are tearing things up and two are planting). We must uproot the passions and plant the virtues.
• The practical mode has many subdivisions and professions: there are those pursuing the secrets of the desert (Elijah, Anthony), but also those leading monastic communities (as opposed to hermit-monks like Elijah and Anthony), and those who run hostels to give hospitality (Macarius ran a hostel in Alexandria and was in no way inferior in virtue to hermit-monks), teachers, serving the poor, taking care of the sick, etc.
• We need to do our profession; it is unwise to try to do someone else’s profession. Abba John met a civilian who drove out a demon; the man seemed of ordinary virtue, quite insufficient for the demon to respect him, but it became clear after the man admitted that he had been pressured into marrying twelve years prior, but had continued to be chaste. Abba John said that he could not do that now, in old age, let alone when he was young.
• The contemplative side is the spiritual understanding of Scripture, of which there are three ways (plus a fourth, non-spiritual way).
• Historical (the non-spiritual way): this is understanding what the text said happened. Ex: Abraham had two sons, one the normal way with the slave Hagar and one through a promise, with his wife Sarah.
• Doctrine falls here. Ex: 1 Cor 15:3-5 (Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures, was raised on the third day and was seen by Peter.)
• Allegorical: the historical events prefigure a mystery. Ex: the two women represent two covenants; the Law (Hagar) comes from Mt. Sinai, which corresponds to Jerusalem, and bears slave children. (Gal 4:24-25)
• Anagogue: “climbs from spiritual mysteries to the higher and more august secrets of heaven” and “by means of which words are moved the plane of the invisible and future” Ex: the Jerusalem above is free and is our mother (Gal 4:26).
• Prophecy does this. Ex: 1 Thess 4:12-15 (when Jesus comes the dead will rise at a trumpet and then we who are alive will follow in the air)
• Tropology: the way to live life and instruction in asceticism. Ex: the two covenants are the practical discipline and the spiritual wisdom; or Jerusalem represents the human soul.
• If you want to see the light of spiritual knowledge, yearn for a pure heart (for those of a pure heart shall see God). Keep your eagerness to read and add to it practical (moral) knowledge [from disciplined living].
• John, since you are young, listen to your elders and only speak to ask a question, otherwise you might end up trying to show off your knowledge and be guilty of pride.
• Do not teach that which you do not live out. Not only will the words of such a person be ineffective, but you fall afoul of being like the Pharisees (Matt 23:3-4) and teaching people to break the commands (Matt 5:19). “It is something else [than skilled talking] to enter into the very heart and core of heavenly utterances, to contemplate with the heart’s purest gaze the deep and hidden mysteries”; this can only happen through the Holy Spirit. Be humble.
• Memorize Scripture. It will help us avoid error, and our minds will think on it and find hidden mysteries when we sleep.
• Here is an example of how Scripture becomes richer through this process. The Law says not to fornicate. There is the obvious meaning. But there are spiritual fornications, too: idolatry, augury, etc. were described as fornication by the prophets; superstitions about the Law (Gal 4:10, 2 Cor 11, etc.); heresies (Acts 20:29-30) [neither the conference nor the biblical text reference fornication in this context]; and the most subtle kind: straying thoughts.
• At this I groaned and said that this makes me quite discouraged, because I can’t stop thinking about the pagan poetry that I read and loved as kid, and it interrupts my praying and confessing. Nestros said that this is easily cured: the mind must always be thinking (it cannot be empty), so you have to give it the proper things to think about. So read Scripture with the same zeal you read poetry, and your mind, being filled with these things, will not be filled with unprofitable, earthly thoughts. Even listen attentively when someone is saying/reading something you already know, because saving truth is always worth listening to. Eventually, over the course of time, it matures and becomes good wine pouring out of you.
• The only way to gain spiritual knowledge is by Hos 10:12: “sow integrity for yourselves, reap a harvest of the hope of life, light up within you the light of knowledge.” Ps 118:1-2 agrees, saying first blessed are those who in their journey walk perfectly in the Law of the Lord and only secondly, blessed are those who pay heed to His witness. A jar with remnants of foul-smelling stuff does not become good smelling because something fragrant has been put into it; instead it pollutes the good fragrance. Likewise Proverbs talks about the pure of heart and wisdom.
• Be careful about teaching the spiritual knowledge you have gained, though, because it is experiential knowledge gained through hard work. Do not, for the sake of vainglory, give it to people who are unclean with sin. “Do not throw your pearls to swine”, etc. Instead, follow Prov 31:6-7 and give the strong drink of spiritual knowledge to those with deep sadness over their former lives since “wine gladdens our hearts” (Ps 103:5) In fact, giving spiritual knowledge to the “lukewarm and careless” will result in punishment, because it is giving out the master’s money for interest.
• “Clearly, there are two reasons why spiritual lore does not work. Either the teacher has no experience of what he is talking about, so that all his effort to instruct the listener is simply the empty sound of words, or else the listener is loaded down with sin and his hardened heart is closed to the saving and holy teaching of a spiritual man.”
• But since God desires all people to be saved (1 Tim 2:4), sometimes God “allows someone who has not earned the right to preach the gospel by a blameless mode of life to receive, nevertheless, the grace of spiritual knowledge for the salvation of the multitude”.

Conference Fifteen: The Gifts of God

• Abba Nestros paused for dinner. Afterwards we sat on our mats silently and respectfully until abba Nestros resumed, “our discussion has now brought us to the topic of the nature of spiritual gifts [in particular, healing and driving out demons]. The tradition of the fathers says that these take three forms:
• The merit of holiness causes gifts of healing. Miracles can be worked by “specially chosen and just men” (Matt 10:8) [presumably healing is also a miracle, but maybe holiness is only sufficient for healing and other miracles require being chosen?]
• For edification of the church, or even via sinners, but faith is required by those receiving (Matt 7:22-23, Mark 6:5-6).
• Tricks by demons used to snare people into trusting someone who is unholy. (Demons also cry out the name of someone unholy when they leave a person, to trick people into trusting that that person is holy enough to cause them to flee.)
• So it is important to evaluate whether the person doing the miracles is actually living a life of virtue or simply pretending.
• The virtuous life is the life of love (1 Cor 12). In fact, the highest level is love, not working miracles.
• Abba Macarius, first to dwell in the desert of Scete, was asked by many Catholics to combat the Eunomian heresy which was polluting the faith. So he came, and the teacher used his rhetorical skill to trap him “on the horns of Aristotle”, but abba Macarius said that “The kingdom of God does not lie in talk but virtuous activity” (1 Cor 4:20) Let’s go find the graveyard, and speak the name of Lord over the first corpse we find. The teacher agreed to come “tomorrow”, but left the province. The next day crowds assembled, and after waiting most of the day, Macarius led the crowds up to the tombs above the river (due to the Nile floods, buried bodies would not stay buried unless on high ground, where it is very dry). He found a very old corpse, and asked it to tell the crowds that if the heretic actually had come, whether it would have risen before the crowds. The corpse said that it would have, and abba Macarius told it to sleep until Christ raised all of “his class”. The conclusion is that it was only the need of the Church that drew this power out, otherwise it would have remained hidden.
• Abba Abraham the Innocent went out to do some farming around Pentecost, and a woman came to him holding a half-dead baby because she had no milk. He made the sign of the cross over a glass of water and after she had drunk it, her breasts filled up. In another town he was mocked because of his faith and the crowd said “heal this crippled man to show your God is real”. He called on the name of Christ and pulled on the man’s foot and the man was completely healed.
• This was not selfish power, and these people tended to have to say the same thing the apostles did “why do you look at us as if our power and our piety have healed this man?” (Acts 3:12) [it seems like that verse undermines his argument that piety is the precondition for miracles].
• Jesus said “don’t rejoice that you do miracles, rejoice that your names are written in the book of Life”. He said to imitate his humility. And humility is available for everyone, whereas not everyone does miracles.
• Actually, the greater miracle is “to root out the tinder of luxury from one’s flesh”, restraining one’s anger, disperse “ravening gloom” from one’s soul, and “healing the weaknesses of one’s soul” rather than casting out demons.
• The blessed Paphnutius had spent many years battling demons (even as they came openly) and believed himself free of cupidity. One day he burned himself in the fire while making a pot of lentils for some guests. He was saddened because if the earthly fire burned him, how much more the fires of the Judgement. He fell asleep and an angel of the Lord said “why are you saddened that this earthly flame is not at peace with you? You still have the urgings of the flesh, and until they are cleared out the fire will continue to burn you. Find a beautiful, young, naked woman, and take hold of her, and if your heart is still untroubled, then the flame will not harm you.” He did not do the suggestion, and realized that although he defeated demons with the sign of the Cross, it was greater virtue to extinguish cupidity in one’s own flesh.
• While abba Nestros talked he escorted us six miles to the cell of the old man Joseph.

Conference Eighteen: The Three Kinds of Monk

• Having learned from the three monks, we set off for the remoter areas where there were more holy men, and we came to abba Paimun near a village at one of the mouths of the Nile. We were kind of like “zealous purchasers of goods”. Abba Paimun was known for his perfection and miracles, but since relating those would be empty (not to mention voluminous) and would not advance my purpose of relating things that can develop perfection, I will get straight to what he said, which when he found out that we had come from a Syrian monastery was:
• There are three kinds of monks:
• Cenobitic (living in community): The cenobitic communities come from the original church in Acts 2:42, when Christians held everything in common. Over time, and once the apostles died, the fervor also died and people began to be so lax that even private ownership was considered following God. The cenobitic communities formed to be true to the original Christian values in the midst of the laxity around them. They followed the rules as they remembered the apostles having given, but over time they were “cut off from the mass of believers” [due to the mismatch of values] because they avoided marriage and the world, they were called monks. They earn money for the monastery, but humbly hand it over, and in so doing continually live out their initial renunciation.
• Anchorities (solitary hermit-monks): After achieving perfection in the cenobitic communities, some people are seized with the desire for secrets of solitude. They want to join in open battle against the flesh and the demons, and to pursue the contemplative life. These are people like Elijah, Paul, and Anthony. They are described [not particularly literally] in Job 39:5-8, Ps 100:2-6, Lam 3:27-28, Ps 101:7-8.
• Sarabites: these deplorables simply want the honor from the appearance of being monks, but they do not submit to the teachings of the elders, nor do they do the disciplines required to move towards perfection. They live in their cells and do whatever they like, but still want the honor of being monks. Sadly, these are the predominate type of monk, except in Egypt.
• There is a fourth kind developing: lukewarm anchorites, who start of with an initial zeal, but disdain to be ruled by elders and go off by themselves and never get rid of their sins. Out by themselves with no one to challenge them, their faults grow worse and become a deadly poison.
• Abba Serapion, having endured a young monk who gave a show of being to sinful to pray, etc., took advantage of the custom of discussion after the meal to tell him that, being young, he should not rely on the generosity of others but be productive, in the example of Paul. And seeing the sadness and anger in the man, he continued that up until now you gave a show of being serene, but what is really necessary is true lowliness of heart: humility and patience.
• Germanus asked how we could achieve this tranquility, since it seems like the only way to preserve gentleness and peacefulness is to live far away by yourself.
• He said that patience and humility are only possible when the inner heart is humble. When something upsets us, it reveals that we have not achieved complete humility. But note that humility that is never tested is worthless; victory only comes from being in battle. The difference between a holy man and a sinner is not lack of temptation, but that the holy man is not overcome by the temptation, while the sinner is easily overcome.
• There was a woman in Alexandria who lived religiously in the house her parents had left her. She went to bishop Athanasius (of blessed memory) and asked if there was a widow that she could help. So she was sent the most righteous widow by the whoever it was that made the decision, so that she would not lose heart. A little while later she came back to the bishop and asked if there was a widow that she could help. Athanasius inquired and found out that she had been sent the best widow, so he had the worst widow sent to her, one that was quarrelsome, boozy, irritable, and garrulous (and these were not in short supply). She was kind and attentive, and received back invective, violent words, and even violent actions. So she persisted and became even more humble, and learned to overcome the widow’s constant insults by “humane gentleness”, and softened the other woman. She thanked Athanasius, saying that it was really productive for her, and that she had really been strengthened in patience like an athlete.
• Abba Paphnutius lived such a holy life even as a young man that the elders gave him a position among them. One of the monks became jealous, and he hid a book in Paphnutius’ reeds that he wove for a living, then claimed to have been robbed after church service. This was unheard of, and everyone’s cells were searched, with the book found in Paphnutius’ cell. He did not argue, since he knew that if he did it would reveal someone’s sin (since he knew he was innocent), but he asked for penance, and for two weeks prostrated himself outside the church door as a penitent on Saturday and Sunday instead of receiving communion. After two weeks the monk confessed what he had done, but was so beset by a demon that he could not receive and peace. Not even Saint Isidore, the leader of the community and known for driving out demons, had any success. It was only after he went to Paphnutius that it left and he was restored.
• Note “the unshakable calm and constancy” of Paphnutius. We are beset by minor trials compared to his.
• Also, note that we cannot be confident in our peace and trust in the face of temptation if the only guardian of it is the closed door of our cell. And solitude certainly did not protect the monk from jealousy. So we cannot look for peace outside ourselves, but rather by developing humility within.
• Envy [including jealousy it seems] is the most serious of all sins. It was envy that destroyed the devil (Wisdom 2:24-25) “Death came into the world because of the devil’s envy. So let his own kind go on to imitate him.” Someone grieving a loss can be satisfied by a gift; someone upset by injury can be satisfied by deference, etc. But envy is angered by the other person’s prosperity or goodness/virtue, so the more you give them, the angrier they get.
• In fact, envy is really being angry at God for giving the other person good things. This is certainly the “root of bitterness” of Heb 12:15.